On July 22nd I moved to Los Angeles to rehearse for six weeks, where I met my cast of ten dancers and three other singers. We were thrown into living and working with each other the day after we arrived. We learnt four main production shows and five smaller piazza performances. Now, I am sitting on the Grand Princess Cruise ship after premiering our fourth show.
These first few weeks on ship have been pretty exhausting. We moved in to our cabins, had costume fittings, did ship drills, emergency trainings, and started blocking our shows, all within the first 24 hours of being onboard. To install a show, we get acquainted with the stage and crew, and block the whole production bit by bit. We then tech the show the following day, focussing on all the dangerous bits, like lifts on stage or scenery flying in and out. Some productions are more technical than others so can take a few days. Once we open a show, we start installing the next.
The positives of working abroad do outweigh the negatives. This past week I have been sailing through Alaska, the most spectacular place in the world. Although we have had a crazy busy week of rehearsals, we have found a couple of hours here and there to get off the ship. Being in Alaska gives me a huge sense of calm and peace. It is stunning. It makes me feel small and like I am a tiny piece of the puzzle that is earth. It makes me appreciate how beautiful this world is and I do feel truly grateful having these experiences. But it doesn't take away from the fact that we miss our loved ones back home. Hugely. I am pretty home sick at the moment and it does make everything much harder.
So many amazing things happened in my life in the months leading up to me leaving the UK, the main thing being that I made a choice to be in a relationship with the man of my dreams. His name is Tom and if you follow me on Instagram you will realise how much of a hilarious, weird, wonderful, strong, inspiring, musical, intelligent, adventurous, courageous, spontaneous ... okay you get the idea!
My point is, he came into my life at the worse time. Granted, I have known him since I was sixteen but it never sat as a good idea to start a relationship months before I left the country for six months. Without going into it too much, my past experiences have led me to be slightly negative about relationships, specifically long distance ones. Sometimes you do just have to trust your gut though and know that if something feels right, it absolutely is.
'The past has no power to stop you from being present now. Only your grievance about the past can do that. And what is grievance? The baggage of old thought and emotion.' Lao Tzu
We think we are always going to be affected by our past, but what matters is how we react to it. Let yourself be present as it is not our past that is hindering us, it is the feelings we are feeling right now that are. It means we have the ability to control how we feel and how we react moment to moment. This means you do not have to continue holding on to those thoughts that are stopping you from being happy, you can instead focus on feelings that will serve you and let you experience everything you possibly want to.
Once you start letting yourself be present, you can allow yourself and your relationships to grow.
Since being here, I have been able to keep in touch with everyone back home. It has not been the easiest. We have had to deal with time differences, work hours and dodgy wifi connections! Texting rather than phone calls. But it has been possible. It is an amazing feeling being connected to friends and family back home, even when you aren't actually with them in person. Sharing experiences from the other side of the world and hearing their reactions after giving them a sneak peak of ship life, really helps remind me how awesome my job is.
So many people question whether being away from your partner or loved ones can make your connection with them even stronger. Does distance make the heart grow stronger? As much as i would like to say I know the answer, I don’t think I do. For me, in this moment, my answer is yes! But I really think it varies for each relationship and each individual. I fully believe being away from each other can make you stronger; you are challenged, you have to prioritise more and you can end up connecting on a deeper level. This is the case with friendships and family relationships too. Working away from home certainly heightens all of my friendships; tests them and cements them. I haven’t been able to speak to friends or my siblings as much as I would want to, and I miss them terribly. My best friend has just given birth to twins and I am not there to meet them. Life at home goes on without you when you work away, and that is just how it is.
The question is…is it worth it? Abso-bloody-lutely! For now. We are only a few months in (of a seventeen month contract!) and it certainly has been a whirlwind of emotions already! Plus Tom is coming to visit next week! WAHOOOOOOOOO!!! (…and when I post this, I will be in San francisco, one of the coolest cities in the world…)
Big love xxx
